Our personal values aren’t just the things that are important to us. These values explain why we make the choices we do. They direct us toward our goals. Furthermore, they offer a roadmap for building a fulfilling life. Let me repeat that. Living your values creates a satisfying life. What happens when we live someone else’s values? I can’t tell you definitely, but I know that I didn’t find it satisfying. The people whose values I had borrowed didn’t seem impressed either.
Here is an exercise that has helped me define my values. I’ve shared it here to help you find your core values.
Who are you?
For me, the first step in identifying my personal values was to make a list. The list-makers of the world rejoice, while the seat-of-the-pantsers groan. But don’t worry; there is something for everyone. Now, let’s get back to our list…
First, make a list of things you like to do. I mean, really like to do—the things that put you in a better mood, the things that make you happy. Don’t be squeamish—this list is for your eyes only.
Next, add to the list the things you really dislike but do them out of obligation or need. Hey, we all have things we don’t like to do. For example, I hate pretty much ALL housework. Don’t overthink it. Just put it on the list.
Now, take a moment to add things about yourself that make you feel proud. Include everything—from grade school T-ball championships to your salsa dancing prowess. What do you want the world to know about you?
Additionally, it’s important to include things you aren’t proud of. What do you do that embarrasses you? We are often taught that the things we love can be bad, so forget about judgments for now and just jot down the things that would make you feel embarrassed if most people knew them.
Do you need a break? If you aren’t used to asking yourself questions like these, you might be feeling overwhelmed. Now would be a good time to do one of those things you love. When you feel relaxed and ready to dig a little deeper, your list—and your personal values—will be waiting.
Is this a full picture of you?
This step is easy if you take the time to really reflect on the information you have gathered. Read through the list and try to see it as a reflection of you. Is it a reasonably complete picture? If your 40-hour-a-week job, beloved beta fish, or obsession with Dr. Who aren’t included, now is the time to add them. It doesn’t matter where you add these gaps; just write them down. Wow, that one was easy!
Who you are becomes your personal values
Well, that was fun for some of us. Now, let’s set the list aside for a moment and shift our focus to core values. Personal core values are the principles that guide how we live our lives and make decisions. For some, values like honesty and integrity are crucial, as they believe in being truthful and transparent in all situations. On the other hand, others may prioritize kindness, valuing empathy and treating others with respect. Additionally, creativity might be especially important to someone who enjoys thinking outside the box and expressing themselves freely. Moreover, reliability is another common value, as it helps build trust in relationships, both personal and professional. Ultimately, the values you choose reflect what’s truly important to you, helping you align your actions with your true self.
Here is a list of things that people might consider their personal values. Of course, this list isn’t exhaustive, and some values might even be the opposite of what you find important. Most of them are pretty generic, so feel free to improvise (finally, a bit for the seat-of-the-pantsers) or get more specific. As you go through the list, try to categorize each item. Sit with it for a while. Think about it. What does this list say about what you value most in life?
For instance, why do you love to take walks? Is it the exercise, the natural world, the peace and quiet, or maybe all three? Similarly, why do you vacuum the floor even though you hate doing it? Is it to keep your home healthy, avoid the censure of others, or simply to make your space look nice? Consider all of your possible motives. Why are you proud of that T-ball trophy? Is it a connection to youth, the joy of a family experience, or maybe the beginning of your physical prowess? Lastly, why are you embarrassed that you can quote every line from every season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Is it the perception of geekdom, or perhaps the fact that you can remember that but never find your car keys? Or maybe it’s a sign that you’re disconnected from current popular culture? (Whatevs, Buffy will always be relevant!)
Time to Fine Tune
Now, we want to drill down to the most important things to us. You can start by listing the personal values that come up several times. It might take some additional introspection. Do your interests in reading and cooking both feed your innate curiosity? Does your job and your volunteer work make you feel useful? I think this is a good time to remind yourself that there are no bad values. Remember that you are doing this work to help create a life that is satisfying to YOU. Here are some additional guidelines to help you condense the list.
- Shoot for 4 to 6 values, but don’t throw out anything that is important.
- A value can be broad or narrow; your interpretation is the only thing that matters.
- There is no need to write them for others to understand.
- If you have 42 core values, and they are each distinct and valuable, that’s cool. You do you.
🎉Celebrate your Personal Values
Celebrating the development of your personal values is an important milestone because it means you’re gaining a deeper understanding of who you truly are and what matters most to you. When you take the time to identify and honor your values, you’re not just making decisions based on external expectations; you’re aligning your actions with your inner beliefs. This helps you live authentically and feel more confident in your choices. It’s also a huge step in building strong relationships, as others will respect your clarity and consistency.
Recognizing your values can bring a sense of fulfillment, as it acts as a personal compass, guiding you through life’s ups and downs. Celebrating this journey reinforces your commitment to yourself, helping you stay true to what you stand for. Plus, it’s a great reminder that personal growth is a process, and every step toward understanding yourself better deserves to be acknowledged and celebrated.
That’s not a figure of speech; I don’t mean a mental high-five. Literally, do something to celebrate this moment—something tangible and memorable. If you can’t rejoice in the things that inspire your life, it will be pretty hard to walk the walk. Celebrate who you are. Go on.
Take stock and make a plan with your personal values
Creating a life strategy based on your personal values means using those values as a compass to guide your decisions and goals. Start by identifying your core values—whether it’s family, creativity, honesty, or adventure. Once you know what truly matters to you, think about how you’re currently feeding each value. For instance, if personal growth is a value, you might nurture it by reading, learning new skills, or challenging yourself in new ways. If relationships are important, you could invest more time with loved ones or improve communication with them.
Next, reflect on what you’d like to do to feed those values. Is there something more you could be doing to honor your core beliefs? Perhaps you’d like to spend more time traveling for your sense of adventure or contribute more to your community if giving back is important to you. This is a great time to consider what’s missing or what you wish you were doing more of.
Now, think about what’s not aligning with your values. Are there things you’re doing that don’t nurture your values? It can be hard to walk away from certain commitments, but it might help to reframe it—by leaving that activity or responsibility, you’re creating space for something that truly aligns with who you are. Consider making an exit plan that reflects your values, and remember, this strategy is about creating a satisfying life for you, not someone else.
Use your values as a yardstick for everything you do. When your actions and choices align with your beliefs, you’ll feel more fulfilled and true to yourself.
Finished, for now.
Revaluating your personal values is an important part of personal growth, and it’s something to do regularly as you navigate life. The tricky part is that our values can change over time, shaped by our experiences, challenges, and priorities. For example, today, you might place a high value on physical prowess and pushing your body to the limit. But as life evolves, that might shift to focusing on overall well-being and balance. Similarly, your current value of financial stability could transform into a future value of generosity, as you find joy in giving back.
It’s important to stay open to these changes and be prepared to reevaluate your values. Reflecting on your life experiences will help you stay true to who you are and what matters most. As your values shift, your life strategy should too—ensuring that your actions and goals always align with your true self.